This fine writer was asking about intentions and I started running my mouth, saying I was going to come up with a list of essays I want to (want may be too strong of a word here, let’s go with could) could write.
Worse, I put a date on it. (“If you want it then you should have put a date on it, If you want it then you should have put a date on it, Wuh Uh Oh Uh Uh Oh Uh Oh Oh Uh Uh Oh….”)
So here it is, a list of 10 essay titles swimming around in my head (Wuh Uh Oh Uh Uh Oh Uh Oh Oh Uh Uh Oh):
- What to do when you’re rehabbing the house where you lived with your mom and dad and siblings during your parent’s category-five hurricane divorce and your husband finds a cassette tape hidden in the drop ceiling tiles of the basement. (You listen to it, of course.)
- How not to have sex for 14-days straight and pretend your marriage is okay. (I could write this essay more often than I want to admit.)
- The day my daughter couldn’t fit through the pet door. (This is about my all or nothing approach to health and exercise and how unrealistic images turn into a young girl’s wish for a different body.) (And about me and my daughter and the exact moment I realized that how I looked affected how she looked at herself.) (It may be a too heartbreaking to write, still, two years later.)
- How to stop talking to your mom for a year…and when to start again.
- “Should you let your boss’s dog bite you if it means you could maybe get your annual salary all in one lump?” and other thoughts you have while working for an emotionally-stunted, micro-managing, bring-my-dog-to-the-office-because-it’s-not-a-real-business-anyway CEO of a possible tax shelter.
- A step-by-step guide to your next family crisis
- What my marriage hiatus taught me about love
- 10 things you should never say at the Thanksgiving dinner table
- How to make it on four hours sleep without looking like someone injected small pockets of chicken fat under each eye during your last hour of REM. (Actually, I need someone to write that one for me in the next six hours.)
- (the story i’d write if i knew no one could ever attach it to me.)
Shit…it’s 12:07; I missed my deadline. It still counts if I started before midnight, right?
Sing it sister!! This is one hell of a list, and I’m looking forward to every single one of these essays. I wish I could write with your humor — you’ve got a gift.
Laughter is tears turned inside out and then thrown against the wall just before being told to shut the fuck up. I think I read that in a Robert frost poem somewhere. Or maybe it was Thomas Merton.
Thomas Hardy.
Wow, you’ve got some fascinating choices here. How the hell are you going to choose? Are you taking a vote? Cause if you’re taking a vote, I’d go for mystery horse #10.
Chalk this up to a goal met in fine style.
ummm…i just decided, no votes. (ha ha!) of course the scariest is the most appealing. i can feel it lurking just beneath the surface. sometimes, when i’m driving, i’ll get an opening line and then have talked myself out of it once i get to my destination. if i could write while i drive, i’d be so much more prolific.
That Averil is trouble.
10. Consider pseudonyms and/or anonymity.
agreed. much, much trouble lurking w/ miss averil dean.
and not only have i considered the pseudonym–i have one. josey fritz–i’m not who you think i am. as in, i’m not even the real josey fritz. (apparently he was some sadist from that 1800s over in austria)
Hats off to a fabulous pseudonym! Josey is a pretty gentle name for a sadist. But I hear those sadists look just like anyone else.
If you write even one of these, it is bound to be brilliant. I want to give you emotional armor so you can write without fear because what you would produced would be amazing.
you and suzy are way too kind to me. of course, if you could fedex that emotional armor, i’ll stay home to sign for it.
fear fear fear. such a mother fucker.
Oh Josie, I would read any and all. A collection!! I’d buy it impulsively at “the Amazon” with my credit card in hand.
it’d be cheap–you wouldn’t even have that amazon guilt response the day after.
Holy crap I want to read them all. What are you waiting for?? (Um, no pressure or anything…) But seriously. Exactly what did your little girl say and do? What happened to that boss and the dog? And most of all: what was on that tape? ??
Add me to the chorus. I want to read them all. These are great titles, and it goes without saying that they will be written with great style. I’m so happy you’re writing again. I’ve missed you Josie!
A list is a great idea, Josephine. But you didn’t miss your deadline if you’re thinking about what to write. That’s all part of it. Traction will come soon!
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